I was in a bad car accident today. A pickup truck slammed right into the driver’s side of my car. Of course, the car was totaled, but I escaped with chest bruising, probably from hitting the steering wheel. However, I don’t feel lucky to be alive.
You see, the cops said it was 100% my fault, because I was pulling out into oncoming traffic without making sure the coast was clear. That means my insurance won’t pay for a new car, and I have a court day in May. So now, in my mind, what was once an unfortunate, well, accident has now become a failure, a sign of how incompetent I am.
And it’s only the latest one. Last Thursday, I drove over a curb, blew out a tire, and was almost stranded in Millersburg, because every auto service place there closes at 5 or 6. On Friday, Wal-Mart (where I’d been towed) couldn’t fix the car, because for some reason, they couldn’t get the right rim. I was an utterly useless, crying mess for an hour and a half. Everybody at work had to help me–I owe them so much. The car was fixed on Monday. On Wednesday, I tried to drive to a restaurant for an inspection, and got lost; I never made it there. Of course, it was partly over confusion over the address, and I tried to buoy up my self-esteem by telling myself that. I actually made it there and did the inspection yesterday. And now, this horrible thing has happened. That doesn’t even count the small failures I’ve had all week.
I can’t do anything right. No wonder like I’m just being tolerated and humored, like a mentally-handicapped kid at school. No wonder I feel like my parents regard me as their incompetent daughter, whom they have to keep pulling out of these situations and for whom they have to keep driving up to Wooster and spending money. I feel humiliated and degraded by it all, and I’ve practically lost all confidence in myself.
My first year working on my Master of Public Health is done.
I’m doing a summer internship at Franklin County Health Department. It’s a great place to work, and I’m really enjoying it. Right now I’m analyzing the data from a project on infant mortality in Ohio. My supervisor has also arranged for me to go on some inspection tours, once he learned I wanted to be a registered sanitarian.
I’ve actually been working at this internship since May. This little personal update is almost two months late.
…I don’t know about you, but I almost go insane.
Ever since Tuesday night, I’ve been having panic attacks, breaking down in tears, and feeling ready to vomit. I’m sure for lots of people, Tuesday’s election turned about to be the greatest national tragedy since 9/11. I understand completely how they feel.
I’m white and from a Judeo-Christian background, so I’m luckier than a lot of other people. At the same time, I’m almost completely helpless. Without any income or independence, I can’t do much.
And if that man causes another recession and rolls back environmental protection laws, where will I be? My chosen career path will become all but obsolete.
And if that happens, I can look forward not only to a life of extreme poverty, but smug, self-satisfied Trump supporters telling me I’m just lazy, I should work harder, I expect handouts from the government, etc., etc.
Needless to say, I’m not happy.
I haven’t been updating this blog, but I’ve been doing fine this summer. Unfortunately, the temp job has ended for good, but I’m going to get a Master of Public Health from Ohio State, starting this fall, and I’m excited about that.
I also have a link to an article at the Food Revolution Network:
In the years since I’ve become an environmentalist, I’ve hated lawns. This article confirms that the problems with growing lawns far outweigh the benefits.
I’ve been away for a long time–a long, awful time. I was fired from Silliker at the beginning of December and was unemployed until recently. I’ve been struggling with depression, misanthropy, and physical sickness, including terrible migraines. My grandparents have been very sick, and my grandfather died on the Tuesday after Easter (thankfully, I got to see him on Easter Sunday). I don’t want to go into details about any of this, but things seem to be changing at last. I have a data entry position with Nesco resources, and, even better, I’ve gotten into a Master of Public Health program at Ohio State University. I want to try to change both my life and my attitude in the future.
So it’s happened. After waiting for over a year to get a job, especially a job in my field, I’ve finally got one!
I am now a microbiological technician for Lab Support, signed on for a six-month contract with Silliker, Inc., a food safety company right here in Columbus. Although I’m not working closely with any bacteria yet, I’m enjoying the work enough that I hope Silliker hires me at the end of the six months.
To close this update, I have a word of advice for anyone who’s struggling to find jobs by online search engines. Try looking for jobs the old-fashioned way, using employment agencies, and if you can, try contacting those employment agencies the old-fashioned way, using your phone. Because that’s how I found my new job, when I was about ready to give up on Monster and Indeed.com.
Well, the interview with Battelle is over. I think I did pretty well, although it wasn’t set up like how I expected. I was interviewed by four people, but instead of all asking me questions one at a time, they interviewed me one by one. They really encouraged me to ask questions; I just hope I asked enough. What’s really nice is I only stammered once, and that was when I was asked a totally unexpected question. So I’m pleased with myself and hoping for the best.